Okay, really, who even has that many kids and manages to survive into that ripe old age.
I hate Thanksgiving. There, I said it. It’s surprising statement coming from me, since anybody who knows me would think a holiday centered around who can eat the most food would be marked in my iCal a month in advance with highlighter-yellow capital letters, but it’s true. It’s hard to describe to others what bothers me so much about it because, seen from an outsider perspective, my Thanksgiving is pretty great. My family gets together with friends, cooks a turkey, and attempts not to kill each other before dessert like every other normal red-blooded American family. And because the Romans are famously picky eaters, we get to have the good kinds of food, like turkey, bread and chocolate, instead of the gross stuffing or beans or whatever else marshy vegetables are traditional Turkey Day dinner.
No, what I dread most about Thanksgiving is the table talk. You know, the time when your relatives gang up on the college kids and start asking questions, like “So what do you think of the recent economic situation in North Korea?” and “When in God’s sweet heaven are you ever going to get a boyfriend?!”. If your family’s from Philly, you probably already know what you’re going to be talking about for most of the night:
a) The Occupy Conversation
b) The Kardashian Konversation
c) The Penn State Conversation
d) The What Are You Doing With Your Life Conversation
His face is my face as I sit through the 3-course meal reminding myself that going to prison for murder is not worth it.
So, to take our minds off the fact that the world is most likely ending in 2012, let us bring to mind some things that we’re actually glad about this holiday season.
1. The various Cappogiro locations around center city.
It’s been named the best ice cream in the world, beating out traditional giants like Italian and Argentine gelato. I would be bitter, but I’m too busy inhaling the entire locale.
2. The sorta-newish-even-though-it-opened-like-last-summer-or-something Union Transfer concert venue.
a) Conveniently near the Broad St. subway line at Spring Garden, b) Great upcoming acts like Oh Land and Yelle, and c) Engineered so even 3-ft tall midgets like I can see the performers on stage.
Don’t start with me okay.
4. The fact that the steps at the Philadelphia Museum of Art aren’t actually all that hard to run up.
But your cousins in Wisconsin receiving the Christmas cards of you doing the Rocky pose at the top of the steps don’t need to know that.